So as you guys know, I wasn’t the most confident person before I got braces- but it didn’t really affect my dating life. Did my insecurity prevent me from getting into healthy, long-lasting relationships? Absoloutley. But I was still able to go out and have fun. Now that I have braces, things have changed for me a little bit. I am plagued by the most ridiculous thoughts such as:
No-one is going to find you attractive with braces. You won’t get a boyfriend because he’ll be embarrassed of you. He’ll find you attractive- till you open your mouth. Then he’ll run a mile!
Now let me just pause to make 3 important points.
- I see loads of drop-dead gorgeous people with braces EVERY DAY. I don’t find braces unattractive- I just feel like they make me unattractive. So these thoughts only apply to me- because I’m a paranoid, insecure freak 🙂
- I do realise that these thoughts are completley irrational and silly. And to be honest, it probably is all in my head because I’ve been told a zillion times I still look great and you can’t really see the ceramics. But this is what a lifetime of insecurity does to the brain, I guess.
- MOST IMPORTANT POINT: I am fully 100% aware- and you all should be too- that any man or woman who won’t date someone because they have braces is shallow and not worth a millisecond of mine or your time!
Pre-braces, I was actually seeing a guy called Adam (not his real name). I’d been seeing him since January and things were up and down, but going quite well for the most part. I didn’t tell him I was getting braces- I decided I’d cross that bridge when I came to it- but when I actually did, I didn’t know what to do. I’d been blowing him off for a week straight- every time he asked to see me I claimed I was ill, busy or working. I wasn’t ready for anyone to see me with braces- let alone a guy!
Plus, I was torn between two scenarios. Was I supposed to let him know I had braces before he saw me- sort of like a pre-warning so he wasn’t taken aback kind of thing? Or was I meant to just let him notice for himself when he saw me in person and act like it was so normal I didn’t see the need to mention it? I asked my friends for their opinions- they were pretty much divided on it. A majority said don’t mention it, though. One of my friends gave me some particularly good advice:
“If you make a point of telling him beforehand- you’re drawing attention to it. You’re telling him- ‘this is something wrong’ and then he’ll think that too,” she told me. “If you don’t mention it, just see him and act completley normal like they are nothing, he’ll think they are nothing too.”
I appreciated this advice so much, but I was still torn. I met my first ever boyfriend online- I think through MSN messenger or something, as you do! I never saw pictures of him smiling, and when we met up for the first time, I was greeted with a big smile complete with top and bottom metal brackets! I didn’t care at all- in fact I liked them and thought they made him look cute. But I still would have preferred to have known beforehand- just so I could have been expecting it I suppose. I also remember feeling like he didn’t tell me on purpose, because he was embarrassed, which disappointed me. So I guess this experience is where my dilemma stemmed from- I had found myself in a similar situation to my ex boyfriend from 12 years ago! What mades it worse is that Adam had seen me and known me without braces since January, so no matter what, he would notice a change in my appearance. I definitely felt like I’d feel way more comfortable meeting someone new who had never met me before with braces, rather than seeing someone who is already used to how I look without them.
Anyway, I ended up Googling the problem as I do with all my problems. A majority of people, again said either don’t mention it or mention in a light-hearted jokey way if you must. Here’s a link to the forum I read actually- it had some pretty interesting and varied views on the topic. I ended up going with the lighthearted approach. I told him over Whatsapp the next time he asked to see me, and it went a little something like this:
Me: Just so you’re not surprised when you see me later, I got braces the other day (monkey covering face emoji- so appropriate!) They’re clear on top so I don’t look tooo different though!
Adam: Haha why did you get braces
Me: Just always wanted them 🙂
Adam: So what time should I come over?
Woohooo! He didn’t make his excuses not to see me! I was so relieved, and to be honest I was glad I told him so I didn’t have to be a paranoid wreck waiting for him to notice them when he did see me. He did come over, and he didn’t even look at my mouth until about 15 minutes in to chatting and hanging out.
“Let me see your braces, then,” He grinned at me. I grinned back for a few seconds, he looked at them and we both burst out laughing. “To be honest, if you hadn’t told me I probably wouldn’t have even noticed them,” he said. Those were the best words I’d heard since I got my braces!!! From that point I was totally relaxed and comfortable with him- that was honestly the best outcome I could have dreamed of.
By the way- the braces didn’t affect kissing- or anything else for that matter :D. Don’t get me wrong- kissing did feel a bit weird (for me) I found myself kissing a little more gently and slower than I normally would, just to not feel any pressure on my lips. But it was honestly all fine!
Adam and I ended a few weeks later- found out the cheating scumbag was seeing someone else didn’t I. So I’m single again 🙂 not quite sure if I’m ready to mingle yet though. I’ll be sure to let you know if I do.
I’m really interested to know what you guys think about whether you should or shouldn’t mention to a date that you wear braces? Think about if the shoe was on the other foot, too- would you want to be told? Have any of you been in similar situations? Please share your thoughts- I’d love to know!
On my next post I’ll be reminiscing on my first weeks in braces- sharing my soft food recipies and the vlogs and blogs that got me through!
Thanks so much for reading! SJ XO
embracingthebraces 